Learn To Find Value In Yourself As A Wife, Mother, and Friend

I am that wife

I was the wife that never says no when someone, or some group, asks for help
I was the wife that frantically cleans when you say you’re coming over
I was the wife that despite my efforts, still notices a missed dust bunny or a lone escaped sock that I missed
I was the wife that will fixate on that instead of enjoying our visit
I was the wife that prays you don’t notice
I was the wife that will feel that I have failed at my job
I was the wife that was always tired

But now,

I am the wife that can finally realize that I do not have to be perfect
I am the wife that can choose how to invest my precious time
I am the wife that knows my friends and family come to see my judge my house
I am the wife that is also a mother to four beautiful children
I am the wife that knows that my children’s needs and time is more important than that lost sock
I am the wife that is able to follow my dream of working from home
I am the wife that is now free to love and enjoy my husband more because he never was judging me based on what I did, or didn’t get around to doing
I am the wife that finally sees that I am more than the box I tried to put myself in
I honestly was that wife. I had placed myself into a box and surrounded myself with unrealistic expectations. No one else did that, I did. When you give yourself goals that you can never attain, you are setting yourself up for failure and misery, yet I did it, and I see so many other women doing this too.
We live in a society where people fight to try and obtain equal status for women. The problem is, women aren’t equal. We are more. We can work. We can raise the future generations. We can change the world. Yet all the while, we scream for these rights and fair treatment, yet treat ourselves and each other so poorly.
As housewives we will measure ourselves up against others. “Is our house as clean as Susie Q down the road?”
As parents, we will measure ourselves against others. “Are we bad mothers because our kids aren’t involved in every activity possible?”
As female farmers, we will measure ourselves up against others. “If only I had more land, I could have as large of an operation as she does.”
Wherever we find that we “lack” in these areas, we take one of two options. We either add another goal or aspect to our daily life, or we try to tear down the women that we see as “better”. Either way, it is not right and a circle that needs to be broken.
I am not going to lie, some days I want to put myself right back into that box. The box of self doubt, the box that tells me I am not enough. It is not easy to change your perception but you owe it to yourself to try. You owe it to your husband, to your family.

Where Do I Start

Sometimes it can be hard to break those barriers, especially if we have confined ourselves for a long time. It can feel like safety, all while we are slowly killing ourselves. Here are some things that I did to break down those barriers.
– Realize your family loves you
– Realize you are not always being judged
– Look for ways to lift up and encourage other women, mothers, and farmers
– Do something every day for yourself (even if it is ten minutes)
– Focus on one thing a day. This will help keep you on track
– Involve your kids. Kids made a mess? Teach them responsibility, and make them help clean it up.
– Find something that brings you joy. Start a hobby, garden, read a book, go to the gym, just do something for yourself!
– Value yourself. Learn to say NO
– Most importantly, learn to love yourself.

If all else fails, be HONEST! Reach out to your family, friends, and your husband. Ask them to help you. No good comes from keeping things bottled up.

What tips do you have for other struggling women?

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